Me: Just downloaded my new porn-blocker app…
Me: Days or weeks later…
If you’ve tried quitting pornography, then you’ve definitely considered or have used the various porn-blocking apps out there as an attempt to rid yourself of the desires and urges you have.
Using porn-blockers is one of the things we use to “white-knuckle” our way through temptation. At Unchained Leader, we refer to this as bondage swapping, and I’ll unpack that in a moment.
When we’re in the phase of “white-knuckling”, blocking and suppressing the unwanted desires, we experience this “hamster wheel” of resisting urges, then failing, and the cycle begins again…
And the discomfort of resisting is just as painful as the shame and guilt we feel after inevitably giving in.
What Is Bondage Swapping And Why It Doesn’t Work In Setting You Free From Addiction
Bondage swapping, as we define it, is the act of chaining ourselves to something else in an attempt to be unchained from the thing we want to break free from.
Bondage swapping can take the form of many things, like porn-blocking apps, accountability apps or partners, etc. Its a common practice and is often recommended to those starting their recovery journey.
And although these types of practices can work in the short-term and they’re helpful, it almost never leaves a lasting result.
Here’s why…
“Unwanted desires” are the urges and compulsions that we have to do things that we know aren’t good for us or that we don’t want to do.
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Its the internal battle.
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This inevitably leads us to giving in, and we are tormented by guilt and shame.
The “Bondage Swap” is the thing that we bind ourselves to in order to resist and avoid the unwanted desires.
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These are the external devices we put in place to avoid the internal battle.
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Here we are tormented by resisting and white-knuckling.
In both scenarios, we are tormented. We are tormented by trying to resist, and we are tormented when we ultimately give in. It feels like you’re stuck between two large walls.
What we’re doing in bondage swapping is attempting to keep ourselves away from our unwanted desires by chaining ourselves in the opposite direction.
All of the blockers and apps that we’re using are external devices that we’re using to try and prevent ourselves from giving in to our unwanted desires.
The Reality Of Problem And How To Actually Address It To Break Free Permanently
Here’s the thing…
This problem we’re facing is INTERNAL not external. We’re not going to solve it with external things.
It sounds silly to say, but its like going to the doctor with a broken bone. You walk into your doctor’s office and say “my bone is broken,” and the doctor says, “ok, here’s some pain medication. Hope you feel better soon.” 😐
It doesn’t make sense because its obvious to us that the problem is in the broken bone. We need the bone to be fixed in order for the pain to stop, otherwise we’re just masking the pain while the bone remains broken.
It’s the same thing when we have these urges and unwanted desires that are tormenting us. The problem lies NOT in the symptom of the urge, but rather a deeper ROOT issue that has been left unaddressed.
The urge itself isn’t the problem, there’s a deeper reality going on that’s causing us to have the urges we have. And until we get down into the root issues that are causing these symptoms of addiction, you’re never going to truly break free.
There a HUGE difference between resisting temptation, and actually having freedom from the temptation altogether.
And we’re here to tell you that this kind of freedom is possible for YOU if you’re willing to say “enough is enough” and start the internal journey that leads to freedom.
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At Unchained Leader, we have helped 2,400+ men and women permanently break free from the chains of pornography and sexual addiction.
They truly believed that they would have been in the resist-fail cycle forever until they started confronting the ROOT problems, facing them with courage and humility, and dealing with them.
Everyone’s journey started by first watching our Mini-Documentary: The Art Of Freedom where we break down exactly why previous attempts at freedom haven’t worked and what you need to do today to start your journey to freedom.
If you’re interested in learning exactly how we’ve been able to help thousands of others step into freedom and purpose, set aside the next 60min. to watch The Art Of Freedom.
After watching the video, you’ll have the opportunity to submit an Application to our program, the 90-Days To Freedom.
